Pushing 50: The Final Countdown

Goodbye Venus.

You will be missed tremendously.

Pushing 50: A Walk To Remember

 

The Bird Park?

Hah!

When I heard the word, the first thing that hit me was the thought of being under the sun. Exactly! The blazing, hot sun! And the sweat and the prickly scalp underneath the head scarf, the blotchy make up and the wet armpits. I have no issues with birds. I love bird-watching. It’s the sun that depresses me. Have it my way, I’ll opt for National Geographic anytime! However, in contradictory to my anxiety of being under the sun, I agreed to go. Anyway, it was Syabil’s 4^th birthday and I had missed 3 of his birthday parties consecutively. So I went. 

Much to my pleasure, it was not as bad as I had anticipated it. It was fun. Rated 4 ½ star. The birds are majestically stunning. The bird show was fairly entertaining and if you managed to properly listen to what the trainer had to say, it was indeed educational. *the trainer’s English enunciation was appalling but hey…not just about anyone can teach a bird Arithmetic, right? Kudos to Mr. Bird Trainer!* The long walk from point A to point B and then to Point C and to another point and another one after that, surprisingly didn’t dampen my spirit. Even the itchy armpit and the blotched eye makeup didn’t bother me at all. The sun? What can I say… All in all it was a joyful outing of which I had to admit, I badly needed. I’ve been cooped-up in the house for much too long I honestly thought I would melt under the sun. But I didn’t and the bird park was simply amazing with its fantastic green landscape with the trees and plants and birds all playing the same important role in beautifying the whole area. 

 As I watched those adorable kids running about giggling, laughing, whining or even bawling I couldn’t help but felt a pang of envy towards their easy going, hassle-free simple life. *and it made me thought of my Mia back in Ipoh and how terribly I’m missing her eye-catching smiles and her small baby voice.* Unlike us, the adults, we are forever uptight and edgy. We move about daily with our adults’ mind being constantly nagged by endless unsettled matter. We always have either something to do or something to cloud our minds with. We pout. We complain. We grumble. Sadly enough we all lead our own pathetic complicated lives. Most of us, if not all, have even forgotten how to smile. 

Later on that day I escaped to a scheduled balcony to enjoy a long-overdue-much-needed ciggy. As I watched the sky my eyes caught an eagle flying through the horizon. It glided swiftly and freely across the big blue sky. I swear I could hear the wind rustling in my ears and the breeze brushing against my skin. It was just a SUPER-WOW moment. And that, brought a smile to my face.

Dear Bird Park, I’m glad I came…

 

Pushing 50: My Alter Ego

Life sucks!

BIG time!

Yup…you read that right. Reality bites and it bites hard, hard, hard cold bites! And day by day…it’s getting even more difficult to act as a normal functioning adult. I’m struggling to keep a brave front, to smile when I actually feel like crying and to stay alive when I wish otherwise. It is the darkest before dawn so I’ve been told. But hey… let me tell you, this is the longest darkest hour ever! And from the looks of it, I’m awfully certain this suffocating darkness will hover and linger for a little while longer over my horizon. It has set its determined mind and refuses to budge even an inch. No compromise! Gosh, I hate this monotonous-nothing-happens-depressingly-tormenting phase of my life. And so you should know, HATE is a BIG word in my dictionary. I normally avoid using the word but once used it sure did come from within the darkest side of me. Looks like ‘dark’ apparently and appropriately is the theme for the day, isn’t it? This rough patch I’m going through at the moment is slowly eating up my sanity and if I’m not careful… *you fill in the blank*  No,  I’m not giving up neither am I whining. Okay fine…so I’m whining but I’m keeping it minimal, okay? Happy now? Let’s just say that today my negativity is at its prime. *Help!*

And no Sir, you don’t get to psychoanalyze me. I know the drill. I know I should be more grateful and thankful for what I have and that others have it even worse. Hunger. War. Oppression. Abuse.  Aids. Poverty. *ouch!* Cancer. Dementia. Schizophrenia.  Jobless. *sounds familiar?* OCD. Living on the streets. *gulp!* Living with MIL. Living with assholes. *please excuse my French!* Having to deal with inconsiderate drivers on daily basis. Having to face the traffic jam on daily basis. Having to deal with assholes on daily basis. *Bitter is now my middle name * And the list goes on and on… 

I know my misery is absolutely miniscule compared to those above-mentioned. So what if I wake up each morning and the unpaid bills are staring down on my face and wishing me good morning? So what if I miss wearing my working clothes and getting a considerably fat pay check at the end of the month? So what if I haven’t been to the hair dresser for only God knows how long? So what if I have no idea when the next job will ever come my way? So what if I know fcuk how to pay off the house rental next month? *More examples are unnecessary. You go figure.* Brave is not on my option list at this very moment. Can I skip this level, please? Or is there a 'Quit Game' button somewhere? 

I seriously ought to get a grip of myself. Yeah, like I have any other choices! Oh, what the hell Senah…let’s just bite the bullet!  

Pushing 50: Bittersweet

Pushing 50: Beef Binge!

Yes, it's Las Vacas again and no, i am not going to ramble on the delicious, mouth-watering, saliva-drooling food like i did in the earlier posting. Enough. But i do however want to point out that good food plus good company doesn't happen to me everyday. And this is one of those 'Life-Is-Good' moments in my life. Thank you for the 'happy-meal' Che Pah. You're such a sunshine! 

Pushing 50: Games Being Downloaded

Pushing 50: Humpty Dumpty

We all have this ‘come-with-maximum-safety-features-built-in-walls’ surrounding us at some point of time in our lives. Having built these walls, you have total control to the inventory of people you allow to come into your little sanctuary. The selected few, if any, will be those who display some sort of effort to get to know you and finally, win your affection. In short, this invisible defence mechanism is to keep you at bay from getting hurt, harm and other life-threatening innuendos, so to speak.

Okay, so we have erected these sturdy insulated walls around us and therefore life should be all sugar and spice, right? Ermm…think again? The walls you built also means a barrier to the outside world. Surrounded for some amount of time by these walls, being isolated from almost everyone and everything, it can get mighty lonely at times and to some extreme levels, you can also get yourself lost in there. While it is okay to be safe and sound in your little shell and to hang on and wait for anyone who would care enough to knock down your walls, it is also good to be optimistic about life. Take a chance on others. Not all is out there to hurt you. Some may even surprise you with their kindness, compassion and of course, love. And if along the way, some may hurt you, so what’s the big deal? 

No pain, no gain so the saying goes. 

Pushing 50: A little bird told me.

The more we give, the more we receive.

Give good. 

Give your best.

Pushing 50: Love is YOU.

 

It is important to find the right person to be with but do bear in mind that it is also important to become the right person for the one you love. There are always two sides to every coin. If the person you love is able to cater to your needs, make you smile and breathe new life into your soul and make your eyes sparkle with happiness, it's only fair for you to reciprocate. You can't just sit there on your nice ass and expect to be showered with unconditional love endlessly without you putting any effort to make that person feels just as good. Love doesnt work that way. In order to survive and grow, it needs a lot of tender loving care from both parties. Be fair. Be considerate. Choose to be more giving rather than to be at the receiving end most times. 

Love requires tremendous hard work but at the end of the day, the reward is worth your while. Anyway, what wouldn't you do just to see a smile that lights up your lover's face? Especially when you know you are certainly responsible for that one sweet smile.

Be kind. Be Love.

 

Pushing 50: Time Flies

“How did it get so late so soon?

 It's night before it's afternoon. 

December is here before it's June. 

My goodness how the time has flewn. 

 How did it get so late so soon?”

~Dr. Seuss

*December, please be good to me*