Saturday, 30 March 2013

Pushing 50: Our dead are never dead to us, until we have forgotten them.

~Inna lillahi wa inna ilayhi raji'un~

How do i start this one?

My sister called to inform that he was admitted to ICU the day before. "How is he?" I asked. "Pretty bad this time. He was coughing blood the last time I checked." She said but did not persuade me to come home and visit the old man. She, like everyone else in the family has stopped doing that a long time ago. Attempt in making me to come home if there is any, is guaranteed to be undesirably fruitless. The next day she called again and told me that he has left us. "Are you coming home?" I was surprised she even asked. 

How do i do this? What do i write about someone that I hardly knew?

I tried to remember moments with him...moments we both spent together. Did he ever hold my hands when i was growing up? Did he pick me up when i fell? Did he say comforting words when i was down? Was he there to guide me when i lost my way? Was he ever proud of me?

I couldn't even remember the last time I saw him. 

We were never close. He left when i was 10. Even when we were living under the same roof he was hardly ever at home. And whenever he was home, our paths rarely crossed. I never really knew him and neither did he know me. We were total strangers, only sharing the same blood. And i guess inevitably the blood connection made me, whether or not i want to admit it, love him and deep in my heart i know he loved me too. It's just that we both had our funny ways of showing it. 

May you rest in eternal peace dad. I do believe you loved me. 

"Oh Allah, forgive my father. Make him among the guided ones, raise his status and be his deputy among the grieving. O Lord of the two worlds, forgive us and him and make his grave wide and full of light" Aameen Ya Rabb, Aameen.

Senja memanggil pulang Sang Pengembara
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Perjuangan dulu hanyalah ujian
Hanyalah bayangan
Untuk menghadapi perang yang utama
Hanyalah diriku sendiri
Dan hidayah
Selama ini
Hanyalah Engkau yang kudambakan
Dan semoga sejahteralah
Engkau padaku oh hidayah
Dan tanpamu apalah aku
Apalah aku tanpa hidayah

Video oleh cleibet@YobTualangSekah

Rohani Binti Abdullah 19 April 1937 - 30 August 2005
Edie Ramlan Bin Ramli 20 April 1965 - 6 November 2009
Abdul Rahman Bin Ismail 4 May 1934 - 12 March 2013

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